Today was met with the usual array of strange but true...

Northern line zone 3 to Hammersmith, change at Kings Cross onto Piccadilly line.

Usual nose diggers, cough-cough-cough-ers, hypochondriacs and stinkers - talking of which, dont people wash anymore?! or is it acceptable nowadays to get up, re-dress (by the smell of it, in the same underwear too) and stink everyone out throughout the day?! I moved to another seat twice in order to evade the wafting rotting smell emanating from the guy with the plastic coffee cup, who at the same time was trying to look soooo cool on his crappy 'pretend' iPhone look-a-like. Point is, if you want others to smell you, go roll in your own ***, thereby at least visibly letting people see that you’re a dirty c**t!

Him aside, this mornings inbound journey was bearable, moreso as I got a seat all to myself today , even though I had to share my armrest with an oaf who believed that as he got on last, he had some divine right to the shared armrest and a percentage of my own seat, that being taken up by his love handles overflowing onto my side.

But this evening was another story - I definitely found myself on the ugly train. Full of people so ugly that only their mothers could love them. What happened to style - yes, where people actually took some pride in what they looked like! Maybe it was simply a tiring day and I was looking at everyone through dreary eyes - but c'mon really, not even ONE person worth looking at twice! If THEY all looked like dogs, either what’s waiting for them at home is even worse, or glamour models, by standards. Isn’t one of the few benefits of being on a tube train about spotting some hot totty after all?

On a different note though, reading the Metro this morning, I thought to myself, what a wonderful gesture it would be if all the advertisers in the Metro paid in full for their slots as usual, but only printed on half the usual space, and then Advertisers and Metro alike agreeing to donate the balance of fees to the Japanese Relief fund - considering what advertising costs nowadays, that would probably amount to about £100K for just one days worth - but then again, as I thought to myself thereafter, with companies and their shareholders all being as greedy as they are, the chances of such a thing happening is next to zero! Hey-ho, still a nice thought either way though.

Tube-driver "Apologies for the delay, we are just waiting for a green light as the train ahead has broken down and is being moved out of the way"... Next message, 2 seconds later over the intercom, a recorded message "There’s currently a good service on ALL London Underground trains" - Yea f**king right - then why the hell are we sitting at standstill stuck midway down a tunnel?!

Man in florescent blue jumper and blue socks, with orange slacks and orange rubber shoes, with a matching orange laptop sling bag - WHAT are you thinking?! I gotta take a photo next time I see him and post it for you all to see!

Btw, WHO gets to chose which 'txt comments' get printed in the Metro each morning? Sometimes I read them and think whoever decided which ones should go to print is probably as dull in their own life as the dull txts they send to print - SURELY there are more interesting txts than the "Or is it only me..." crap that we have to read. I KNOW for a fact there are more interesting ones, as Ive sent in many myself yet none ever get printed - I guess censorship is probably to blame for that though ;p

And yes, YOU with the 'chicken' burger (well, it said so on the outer packaging) - it smells like FISH! Ive smelt sushi less offensive! And NO, we dont all want to enjoy it with you - especially not while watching the mayo drip down your trouser leg as if you'd just ejaculated!

Surely no-one can be THAT hungry that they cant wait until they get home to eat – but then again, Ive met some in my time that like everyone to believe they are soooo important and busy that they couldn’t possibly have had a chance to grab a bite to eat at any other time during the day. But if you insist, at least use a f**ing napkin to wipe your hands off, rather than on the seat cover, will ya!

Oh, and for those that dont know what the Metro is, its a free daily newspaper found on the London Underground each morning - for those up North, I wasn't referring to the Newcastle Metro trains.

1hr and 17 minutes later, escape from the underground, journey over. For today.

S.H.

PS. For what its worth, my thoughts are with anyone and everyone effected by the disasters currently effecting many people in countries around the world, Japan and New Zealand especially. You are all in my prayers! And yes, for those that would utter a comment in return, I have already put my hand deep into my pocket and have made a donation towards the relief funds. I dare you all to do the same.